I am sure that a lot of you know that I am going to become and aunt next year. I know this is great to a lot of you and well it is to me to. But our situation isnt bright at all right now.. And I dont know how to live at the moment. I know it might sound silly and stupid perhaps but it is all so hard. I dont know how to start explaining this but my sister her boyfriend and her had a fight yesterday. it was so bad that my bf left the house and went to my moms friends house. He phoned her up and said that if my sister didnt let him come back, he'd drive tegainst a tree and kill himself. He has said this before.My sister was so upset that she had to throw up.. He threw a lot of bad things at her, first of all he literly threw his laptop across the room. Second he said that my sister is selfish, that she is responsible for the fact that he cannot eat, that he fainted at work, that he cant focus..he said its all her fault. he said he wants the baby to carry his name and not hers. He said that because my sister refuses to live at his mothers house that they cannot make it.. that they are doomed to fail. he listens to all his mothers says. he cannot live without his mother. i dont think its weird that my sister doesnt want to life there, they live about 1 and half hour from here. and my sis her bf his mom is always budding in.. she will be 'raising' the baby. my sister said that if it goes on like this with their relationship that they are not together anymore when the baby comes in march. and my sister and my mom fear that he will try to take the baby away from her. he will use my mom her behavior, her drinking, he will use our family financial situation. and he will try to prove that we are not able to take care of a baby. guys this is killing me..
my mom went to my aunt today because my aunt offered to pay for my younger sister her books otherwhise she cannot go to school.. my mom doesnt have the money for it.. she has money to pay for 1 month of rent.. i maybe should not say this over here. but i need to rant, this is hurting me in a big way that a journal that doesnt talk back can fix. well not that you guys can fix it but i really need positive thoughts because i got none.. life is bringing me down..
At the moment I think my live is just one big failure. its just that everything is bringing me down.. its like the world turns against me again.. it feels like i have to sit it out and just feel completely let down and torned down by all arround me you know.. i am sure that there are a lot of people who feel the same but.. i have been threw so much already and so has my family and it finally calmed down here and we were doing well.. and now.. its all turning dark here arround me.. especially the money situation scares the living shit out of me.. if my mom doesnt get an extra job FAST than we are standing on the streets in a few months.. and if we are standing on the streets.. i wonder what will happen than... I really wish not do know and never expierence it either.
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